The Winnebago County Coroner says there have been 23 documented deaths by suicide so far this year. It's among the top 10 leading causes of death in the nation.
Groups like the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)of northern Illinois are not staying silent on the issue during Suicide Awareness Prevention Month. The coalition recently organized an event at Stepping Stones in Rockford. The diverse group included community activists, veterans, and students.
One theme prevailed among participants – hardship from the suicide of loved ones.
Xavier Whitford shared her story of personal loss to the group. Her son, Tommy Corral III, lost his life to suicide at 19.
"We knew he struggled," she said. "We knew he had an addiction problem. He would tell me at times, ‘Mom, when I drink, or if I get high, it just makes me feel better. It’s the only time I feel good.’"
Whitford said Tommy was trying to help them understand what it was like for him. But she said they brushed a lot of the stuff off as a "teenage phase."
"We thought, ‘He’ll get through this. I went through a lot of tough times as a kid and I ended up okay. He’ll be okay,’” she said.
Shortly before his death, Whitford said Corral confided in her about struggling with depression again.
“But never once did he talk about an intent, that we would have thought that he would have even thought of that until the day he did it," she said. "And he’s gone now because of it.”
Whitford said Tommy was coping with different issues – like the death of his father in a car accident. He also faced relationship issues and found out he was going to be a parent.
She said she has been able to accept why Tommy took his own life by "understanding that in that moment, they’re [suicide victims] not able to think beyond that pain -- and ending that pain."
Whitford said the trauma of finding her son led to her developing post-traumatic stress disorder, but she said she was able to hold on through faith and from family solidarity.
Whitford became actively involved in community events to bolster suicide awareness and knowledge, and is a member of NAMI. She said she hopes her efforts can help curb suicide deaths.
Cory Whitford is Xavier’s husband and Tommy's step-dad.
"Know this: that we all are on the same page and that we all have hugged each other and loved each other," he said to the group. "And that is critical to do as a family."
Cory said Tommy's death, despite being such a tragic event, has strengthened the family and pulled them together.
Cory said he and Tommy's siblings felt pain in a more silent way, but there isn’t a right or wrong way to experience grief.
“Xavier, as many of you know, is in the community and she is vocal. I try to slow her down but, man oh man (laughter from audience). But I tell you what … I am so proud of her and I’m so proud to be her husband," he said.
Duane Lego is a lifelong Rockford resident and the survivor of a suicide attempt. He was moved by the Whitford’s story and opened up with his own battles.
“As a suicide survivor, one thing we go through is that at that point, you’re in such a deep, dark void that you don’t feel emotion," he explains. "You don’t feel love, hate, or guilt.”
Lego said the experience turned him into a mental health advocate. He said he's suffered from bipolar disorder since he was six years old.
"I was literally called 'crazy' back in the old days because there was no such thing as bipolar," he said.
Despite facing mental illness, Lego said he was able to conceal his suicidal thoughts. He said some people considering suicide don't exhibit signs because they're "very serious about it."
"We want to do it and we want to end our lives and we don’t want help," he said.
Lego said it is a troubling fact, and calls on doctors to be extra vigilant when screening for mental illnesses so they don’t miss a diagnosis. He said breaking the stigma surrounding mental health is critical in reducing cases of suicide. Lego said people with these illnesses should be looked upon as "real people."
In reflection, Lego said being a perfectionist was a culprit for his suicidal feelings.
“People like me would have been revered some years ago," he says, "but people like me that live under such pressure just crack.”
Lego attributes some of the pressure on growing societal demands on people; he said he’s eased up on himself and urges others to be kind to themselves.
Mary Gubbe Lee, with the Illinois Center of Excellence for Behavioral Health and Justice, presented information about trends and myths of suicide -- and how people can be more proactive in prevention. She said people contemplating suicide actually don’t want to take their own lives, which she calls "ambivalence."
“The suicide is not a choice," she said. "It’s actually feeling like they don’t have any choices. And if they talk about suicide with other people, they’re looking for another way to get out of that path to suicide.”
Lee said young people are not the demographic facing the highest suicide rates. The elderly -- 85 and up -- is the population with the greatest risk, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Lee said culture masks the problem of elderly suicide. She said depression among older people often goes undiagnosed because it is overlooked as a normal part of aging. Lee said it's a more complex issue.
“There’s a loss of your job. There could be a loss of your independent living. There could be a loss of your physical ability to get around,” she said. "Then you start losing your friends – the people you went to school with."
Lee said there is a variety of suicide warning signs, and people should pay attention to attempts for outreach. She said those at risk may talk more about it or make posts on social media.
Lee also stresses that mental illness should not be treated as equally important to physical ailments.
“If you are at risk for diabetes, your doctors are constantly watching out for that – and so are you," she said. "And if you are at risk for suicide, we need to be constantly watching out for that.”
In fact, on average one person takes his or her life every six hours in Illinois (AFSP). Lee echoes the fact that the stigmas of mental illness are preventing more people from getting help.
“We have horrible names that we call people with mental illness, but we don’t call people names who have cancer, high blood pressure, or diabetes," she said. "But in this culture, it seems to be okay to make fun of them.”
Lee said the same problem happens to those who do seek treatment. She said it's inhumane and unfair for people to make fun of somebody with depression who takes anti-depressants.
Lee said a greater understanding and accepting of mental diseases can in turn can lead to fewer suicides. She said saving a life can be as simple as genuine listening and asking the right questions.
“Well, you know," she said. "How are you feeling? Are you having any trouble eating or sleeping? Have you thought about hurting yourself? Are you getting any treatment? Are you taking any medication? Is there someone safe who you feel comfortable talking to? Can I suggest someone for you to talk to? Can I go with you to the appointment?”
Suicide awareness activist Xavier Whitford is spearheading a walk this month called "Out of the Darkness.” Check-in for the event is at 3 p.m. this Sunday at Rockford’s Anderson Gardens.
